30-07-2019, 07:59 AM
32
Re: Should we forgive
Originally Posted by Baz46
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That is possible in the long term, the negative emotions though will start from the time of the transgression, in the longer term whatever happened may have positive outcome as you write and good if it does. In the meantime harbouring the original emotions though will not do a person any good at all, in fact bitterness, anger and hate it is reckoned are very damaging both emotionally and mentally.I used to think like that after being brought up that if someone 'crossed you' then that was it. You had nothing to do with that person, you didn't speak to them or anything. My maternal grandmother used to speak of someone like that as if she had cast a wicked spell on them! That's fine as it does put them out of your life but if they have done something that has hurt you emotionally then that hurt does not necessarily disappear just because you have taken that course of action, it can remain and cause serious problems. Should that happen you then have far more deep-rooted and harmful problems to deal with which can be even more difficult than forgiveness.
They have done you wrong and being pressured to forgive them because it's good for your emotional well being or it the socially acceptable thing to do is nonsense .
Forgiveness has to come freely from the person who has been wronged not because there is the erroneous belief that somehow it's good for you .
30-07-2019, 07:59 AM
33
Re: Should we forgive
Originally Posted by Baz46
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Too true, everybody can do without people like that. However, putting them out of your life does not, in my opinion, rid yourself of the negative emotions you may experience as a result of whatever it was they did, they can remain. Much of this is I believe dependent on the mindset of the person who has been offended, even the hardest of people have emotions though and it's those that can cause a person considerable problems. Admittedly there are those who just sail through life causing others lots of untold problems but nobody knows what goes on inside their minds or how that may later affect their own emotional state. We all have to live with our consciences be they good, not so good or completely bad.
30-07-2019, 08:25 AM
34
Re: Should we forgive
Originally Posted by Muddy
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If someone has done you a serious wrong it does far more to your emotions and mental well being than 'not forgiving ' them does .They have done you wrong and being pressured to forgive them because it's good for your emotional well being or it the socially acceptable thing to do is nonsense .
Forgiveness has to come freely from the person who has been wronged not because there is the erroneous belief that somehow it's good for you .
That can be like being stuck in a situation you cannot get out of due to how our emotions work. Once that is realised and sometimes it never is with some people, but there are ways of coming to the realisation that to get rid of those emotions it's necessary to find something to do that, which is where forgiveness comes in. It breaks that link between emotions allowing a person to move forward with their life. Nothing necessarily to do with religion (I am not religious) but more to do with the mind, understanding what may have happened and doing what is best for the person concerned, nothing at all to do with anyone else or outside pressures.
It's a very difficult and complex subject to discuss and explain, also of course everyone is different so the meanings of all this will be different according to the individual's beliefs and understandings.
30-07-2019, 08:34 AM
35
Re: Should we forgive
Originally Posted by Lion Queen
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But if you put them out of your life at least they can't do any more emotional damage than they may have already done. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves and not be s doormat open to more hurt. If they will do it once they may do it again. I.d rather not give them the opportunity Baz
30-07-2019, 09:08 AM
37
Re: Should we forgive
Originally Posted by Baz46
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I agree, although the problem can be that the original emotional damage is done and sometimes that remains and continues to be damaging – bitterness and anger perhaps, both the resulting emotions of being hurt. We can protect ourselves and not be a doormat so not open to further hurt, that is I believe the easy part. However, those original damaged emotions have to be 'healed' in some way and if it's not possible for us to deal with that we can become stuck in that situation so a way out of that needs to be found. Understanding what happens to us with anything emotionally damaging is key to that and forgiveness, I now believe, is all part of that process.
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