06-02-2020, 08:34 PM
1281
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Primus1
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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Very clever!
06-02-2020, 10:20 PM
1282
Re: Let's have a laugh
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true father?" "Yes it is, sister." "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here."
10-02-2020, 08:17 PM
1285
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by effingpot
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A Brummie walks into a tailors, “Alroit mate, I’d like a 70’s suit please.” The tailor says, “Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?” The Brummie says, “Thanks mate, white with two sugars please” 
Having lived near Birmingham, I can appreciate that!
11-02-2020, 09:51 PM
1288
Re: Let's have a laugh
My ten year old son got home from school looking very unhappy,"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"I got a Valentines card, " he replied.
"That's nothing to be unhappy about, " I said, "it means someone has great affection for you and admires you. "
"I know, but it was from Father O'Malley, "
11-02-2020, 10:11 PM
1289
Re: Let's have a laugh
Originally Posted by Judd
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My ten year old son got home from school looking very unhappy,"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"I got a Valentines card, " he replied.
"That's nothing to be unhappy about, " I said, "it means someone has great affection for you and admires you. "
"I know, but it was from Father O'Malley, "
Very funny.
Unfortunately, often close to the truth!
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