Re: A tale of derring-do
Greetings Readers, Elfin Safety advisors and wildlife experts, we have to do a flash back to about 10 days ago..on the tv this is indicated but flashing zig zag effects which I am unable to replicate here..but if you are reading this on a tablet violently shaking your head left and right and your tablet up and down should give the desired effect, if you are using a Pc or laptop a blow to the head with something heavy should suffice. I understand that watching a Donald Trump interview may have a similar effect
Dementia my beloved, peace and blessings on her name and worth the camels, appears, and in a tone of voice that foretells of great disasters or something that will cost me lots, states, ‘We have Mice!’........
Now..Dementia is a city girl, she is not a wildlife expert...she wasn't even in the Brownies whereas I have seen more wild life under my foreskin….so I ask,
‘you have seen these meece personally then, my pearl of the orient?
These words of affection are normal in the Vlad household especially when we play Hide the Sausage in the master bedroom, I include them here in order to show the closeness we have.
‘Dont be an utter dick’ she retorts, ‘there is mouse shit by the cooker’ (She was a Grammar School Lass, she has a way with words), ‘ leave it to me cherub’ I reply.
Peeling myself off the Lazyboy and away from another riveting episode of Judge Judy.
Obviously being somewhat of an outdoor rugged type, face to face confrontation with wild animal droppings is something I am experienced in . I was a Cold War Warrior. And spent many military exercises in the woods and forests of Western Germany preparing to hold back Third Shock Army
(Note: No matter how many pep talks the officers gave you, how stiff the upper lip and how strong the British spirit, grit and determination was, it never quite got rid of the slight nagging feeling that 1 x British Corps vs 1 x Soviet Army wasn't exactly cricket.) and it makes your bowels loose..so every square inch of West Germany was a toilet, you couldn’t dig an hole anywhere without unveiling the results of a previous visit...it was hell out there!
So I venture into the kitchen, a place I try to avoid unless I need a beer, it’s full of what I Believe Are referred to as White Goods the same colour as wedding dresses not a coincidence I suspect,
There are machines in there with digital control panels that would not be out of place on the command deck of tge Star Trek Enterprise, I don’t mess with them!
But I am prepared.. with welders gloves..an old bush hat from a long forgotten posting fighting the Fuzzie Wuzzies along the Limpopo River, hiking boots, trousers taped around the ankles.. I even lit up my pipe with an ounce of best shag smouldering in it in order to lay down a smoke screen if I needed to retreat in a hurry, I could have easily been mistaken for John Blashford Snell
I was ready
In the next exciting episode ( now out in paperback at all good book stores)
Traps are laid.
(Advisory for the faint hearted this episode will mention plastic and the extinction of furry creatures)