Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

I agree with most of the answers here, but the only thing I have trouble with is if I lose my trust in someone. Trust means alot to me and I find it difficult to trust someone again if they shatter that. Is that the same as a 'grudge' though?
Perhaps we should have been made with a memory "Delete" button we could operate if we chose? It might be nice to remember only what we chose to. (Or do some do that anyway)?

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Absolutely agree with you Mups - maybe it is more a trust issue than anything else.

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Totally agree, Mups. I don't think losing trust in someone is a grudge though. I view grudges as more petty hang-ups, which some people seem to have difficulty in letting go. I feel sorry for people like that, as it can't be nice to live with needless angst.

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Love the idea of a 'memory delete button'
Always said - we're just not made right !

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

I don't think it's petty to the person affected by hurt that is so deep that it leads to grudge holding - to me, it says that the matter is remaining unresolved for whatever reason. Not all fallings out can be rectified to the point where it can be left behind.

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Its not petty to be hurt, its a bit like people that worry, cant be helped can it - going through it at the moment, hard to switch off .....

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

I'm a worrier unfortunately, I worry if I've got nothing to worry about. It's a stupid pastime and doesn't do us any good. I read somewhere - "Worry is fruitless thought" and I think that's very true.

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

It's funny you should mention a 'Delete button' Mups, it reminded me of my mother, I used to worry a lot when I was a kid and my mother thought me a kind of trick, God knows she had her share of worries in her day, you could say she was an expert on worrying, she used to say to me, "Make your mind go blank for a while and when all is dark dump your worries into the darkness and bury them there, now stamp on the heap, then slowly open your mind again and they will be gone". Didn't always work for me but it helped me to be more confident when dealing with worrying subjects that crop up in everyones lifetime, we all know now that worrying about something makes absolutely no difference to the outcome so burying them makes some sense to me, what used the American Natives say "Bury the hatchet"

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

Thanks for that Jem, what a lovely wise lady your Mum was.

Re: Holding grudges - who does it harm most?

.''bear a grudge (against someone) and have a grudge (against someone); hold a grudge (against someone)
to continue feeling an old resentment for someone; to harbor continual anger for someone.''

I do 'hold a grudge' in as much as I can never forgive the actions of a couple of people who treated me very badly but I have put their actions aside and not allowed them to make me bitter. Neither do I dwell on what happened, I don't even think about it now but the slate is not wiped clean, how can it be when their actions had a detrimental effect on my life.