Why Is It So Difficult....

Reading your posts on here about illness, living alone and friendships (or lack of), really made me sit and think just how difficult it must be to make new friends.

We surely all remember when we were younger, we would go out to pubs, clubs, social events etc with maybe one other person, meet new people, make new friends, and so on, some would be fairweather friends, here today, gone tomorrow, but there was always one who would be "your best friend". who would promise to always be there for you through the years, even if they moved to the other end of the world.

Then came the serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, when friends you were once so close to, went everywhere with, shared all your secrets with, even though you tried to be still their best friend, simply weren't prepared to play second fiddle to your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and slowly faded out of your life one way or another. Sad.

But...... my goodness, it is really difficult to find friends once you are older! especially for women! Not too bad for the men as no-one would give them a second thought when they walk into a pub or even a club. They have quite a high chance of talking to other men on their own while propping up the bar. But even though we have Women's Lib today, try being a middle-aged or older women walking into a pub and watch the quizzical, "what the hell is she doing coming in here on her own" looks you would get! definitely a NO NO!

So just where does one find new friends? I have to admit to being grateful that I don't need to with so many adults in the family, but for someone on their own, or moving to a new area, it must be so difficult. OK, you can join organisations, but meeting others doesn't automatically make them your new best buddies does it? It takes long enough to get to know each other, and in most cases, they just don't fit the bill of becoming a new friend!! especially if they are from the area and already have their own social circle. Most newcomers, I am sure, would tend to probably view the already well established members as someone you
just know from your organisation, but not a friend! but that's it!!

Perhaps I am being too pessimistic, sorry if I am putting a damper on anyone trying to make new friends. I just know that I doubt if I would make the effort anymore.

How do you feel? I know a lot of you say to join this and join that, but I get the feeling for many, it's really difficult to conjure up much enthusiasm!

Please correct me if I am wrong.

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

I have never needed friends, having only one whom I made at school in the 60s. I have a large family and children who are wonderfully supportive of my husband and myself.

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

To be honest, I have no idea. When I was younger and did drink , I’d go to bars with friends, never on my own. Can you imagine going on your own?

I think I’d join a community center and get to know people. From there I’d probably branch out. It’s certainly something to think about. In saying all that I am a loner so don’t usually enjoy being around a lot of people.

At the moment I have a husband and friends so I’m not too worried about it.

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

I suppose I am lucky.
I get to meet so many people, either to do with work, or going to my son's gigs.
I also have a lot of friends in the real world.
I think I neglect them sometimes.
Life is busy at times.

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

Depends on what you are looking for and want from a friend SG !

Nothing nicer than going out each day whether shopping, for a walk or holday and meeting new people to chat too You can share a few stories, have a laugh, swap ideas, illnessess etc, say nice to have met you, wave bye bye and go home where you are free and unencumbered to do exactly what you wish to do.

It's having friends that often makes things difficult .

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

I have the opposite problem, trying to avoid people .
I want to be alone as much as possible and can guarantee even when I go shopping at 8am I will meet someone who want to chat when I just want to rush home to solitude.

Gardening at the front and walking down the lane is fraught with hazardous encounters , it is only 100yards to the field gate where I can escape but even that short distance frequently contains humans.

I really would be best on an uninhabited island if anyone has one going spare

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

I think the blokes go to the pub to escape from the need to talk, a nods enough for us. I see plenty of social groups of older women,you just need to find one that suits, from there doors will open to other groups of like minded people.

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

Ditto!...

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

I have friends I have met them all through horses all over the world .
I love them all
Above all I have my husband my friend my love .

Re: Why Is It So Difficult....

I tried My best to make new Friends some years ago when the last of My old Childhood Pals passed away..found Myself trying to fit in with Their ways..not My style at all. ...whenever I do occasionally feel lonely,I just count My blessings and realize just how fortunate I am.