26-11-2020, 10:24 AM
1
Old proverbs
Red sky at night.Red sky at night, Shepherd's delight.
Red sky in the morning, the haystack's on fire.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
Extract from our local planning authority regulations.
A stone is defined as a hard object greater than 10mm across its largest part but smaller than 100mm across the same facet. It must weigh greater than 10 grams but less than 2 kilograms, and be made of naturally occurring loose or dressed material.
Anything less than these dimensions is considered to be grit, and anything larger as a rock.
Separate licences for throwing grit or rocks must be made to the relevant council department for assessment.
Local byelaws state that a stone throwing licence is required for dwellers of properties constructed of stone, brick, concrete block, and timber frame provided the frame is covered in a durable medium.
Dwellers of properties where the external surface is brittle or prone to disruption by the striking of hard objects are prohibited by statute from throwing stones since their return by others, whether malicious or neighbourly, may cause irreparable damage to said property.
A stone throwing licence is not therefore deemed necessary for buildings thus constructed.
A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.
In medieval times, a nod was a type of felt hat worn by peasants, and the word wink originates from the Nordic word wunc, which is similar in meaning to the old English word moot, or village debate. (It is from the word "moot" where we get the word "meeting".)
Whilst a horse can of course wear a hat, it is not normally capable of getting involved in village politics and stating a valid wunc point.
Since a blind horse can't see its image in a mirror either, wearing a nod will have the same effect on it as being asked to decide on the disputed ownership of a calf after farmer Bloggs' Hereford Bull got into the meadow where the widow McPherson's placid Guernsey cow was chewing the cud.
14-12-2020, 12:07 PM
3
Re: Old proverbs
A friend's frown is better than a fool's smile.
Both are types of beer but from different breweries in the same town.
There was considerable rivalry in the little market town of Billious-on-the-Wolds between the two family breweries, and indeed the drinkers who consumed their products. One day the two biggest boozers in the town; one William potbelly Williamson, and his arch rival in love, Paternoster two-bums Pewitt; got into a slanging match by the butter-cross one market day over who should win the hand of the (much) chaste chased milkmaid, Mary Mary. (She was so contrary she could sometimes argue with herself, and lose both sides of the argument.)
In order to prevent bloodshed, and upsetting of the family Fruity's market stall including their apple-cart as had happened on many a market day when the two protagonists were in their cups and verily having at it with each other over which was the better beer, Mary Mary declared a challenge to both that would decide once and for all who would win her hand in Matrimony (a small hamlet just outside the town of Wedlock).
The rules were simple. The challenge was to see who could drink the most beer without falling down. This incidentally was where the expression "last man standing" comes from. The only other rule was that any spillage would result in a half pint penalty being added to the tally.
To make things interesting, Mary declared that each man shall drink their opponent's favourite tipple. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but both men eventually agreed, knowing that otherwise they would forfeit their prize.
Two barrels of beer were brought in and placed on separate tressle benches.
William, who favoured the Friend Brothers' brewery, chose a barrel of Frown best bitter of 6.7 % ABV for his opponent, whilst Paternoster chose a barrel of Fools brewery Toothless Smile of only 5.8%, but known to be much quicker acting than his opponent's treacly beverage of choice.
The rules were simple. When Mary waved a flag, the men would start drinking. They were allowed to choose their own form of vessel, but once started, they were not allowed to change.
William chose his favourite highly decorated Charalais horn, whilst Paternoster chosen a simple pewter quart mug.
As the church bell struck one of the pip-emma clock, Mary waved her flag and the drinking began. After a few minutes, it was suggested that Mary "put them back on, as some of the young boys were drooling."
It soon became apparent that William had made a huge mistake in choosing his horn mug. It didn't have a flat bottom so could not be put down. After sixteen pints he started to make spillage after spillage whilst trying to keep his horn up.
Paternoster however had chosen wisely. His mug had a very large wide flat base. He had even nipped down to see his mate, Big Dick the Blacksmith, to get the hollow underside of his mug filled with lead to ensure it would not fall over.
By the time the men had got to eighteen pints, William had had four and a half pints added to his require total.
By the time they got to six pottles, (often erroneously taken for a typo) he was behind by a firkin.
Eventually William had spilled so much that his tally was negative, and the town mayor declared Paternoster the undisputed winner.
The following day Mary Mary married her true love, Big Dick the blacksmith, which goes to show the proverb is really a load of old cobblers as neither a friend's frown or a fool's smile will win where love is concerned.
|
|
