Apologies

What constitutes a sincere apology in contrast to an insincere one?

For example.. If someone hurts someones feelings, and it was unintentional or a misunderstanding... is it proper to say "I'm sorry you misunderstood my actions" OR.. is that an example of an insincere apology in that it puts the blame on the harmed rather than the harmer? How do you apologize when something is unintentional?

Re: Apologies

I don't think it is acceptable to say "sorry YOU misunderstood ....." Far preferable I think to apologise unreservedly and say something like "I am so sorry I have upset you....." and take responsibility for the situation. If the person who caused the upset or offense becomes upset or moved by the distress and reaction of the person they have upset then I think it can be taken that the apology will be genuine.

Re: Apologies

My thoughts became very confused when reading your question ... you could argue that the 'harmed' deliberately misunderstood the 'harmer' with the intention of wrong footing them ...
to save further fuss, I would probably say "whoops, I didn't mean to upset you, what I was trying to say in my clumsy way was ......." hopefully that would see an end to it.

Re: Apologies

Agree with Rena ......
You have to make the person feel better - it would be upmost in my mind, if I have offended someone without intention ......

Re: Apologies

Better to have someone say sorry you misunderstood me than they carry on and on causing the same offence, but even better they apologise for doing it in the first place.

Re: Apologies

However, if you say... "I'm sorry I upset you... BUT.. that wasn't what I meant, or perhaps you misunderstood" isn't that taking away from the apology? On the otherhand.. shouldn't you be able to let the person know that they misunderstood.?

Re: Apologies

Why .....

Re: Apologies

Depends if they misunderstood or you failed to get your point across well. Some people seem to be misunderstood a lot and repeatedly

Re: Apologies

That's true.. there are those that are ambiguous on purpose, thus leaving an "out" when called on it. But I was talking about a genuine mistake.. or something done unintentually that hurts someones feelings. To include that in the apology could be seen as a less than sincere apology.

Re: Apologies

I've had to apologise many times in my lifetime and no doubt will have to do so again, but I would never apologise unless I meant it, what's the point of saying your sorry if you don't mean it?, better to say nothing then give a halfhearted apology. I'm always making blunders and if I unintentionally offend anyone then I am truly sorry and I'm the first to offer an apologly, putting all the blame on myself, that is part of a genuine apology if you were in the wrong in the first place.