Re: Tall Story 2

... "I'm afraid neither of your friends will not be fit to travel just yet. The gentleman, Willy Wontie seems to have concussion, probably caused by a large weight landing on his head, and Miss Bertha Backrub has quite severe bruising to her bottom as if she fell from a great height. I noticed she appears to have lost her knickers as well, or is that Miss Backrub's normal way of dressing? Anyway, we would like to keep them for a few more days for observation and take it from there."
"Oh no", said Elsie, "we should never have let them do that dance, we should have known there'd be trouble."
Now what do we do? ........

Re: Tall Story 2

"We must press on" said Lil,"There may be others looking for the treasure, who's got the map?"

Re: Tall Story 2

"Hamish still had it, last I knew" said Elsie. "Come to think of it, how come he's not here at the hospital with us? You don't think he's sneaked off on his own to get our treasure, do you?"
"Wouldn't put it past him gal", replied Lil, rolling one of her fags as she spoke. "We'd best get going and find out what he's up to, crafty little toad."
And with that, they shuffled out of the hospital, telling Big Willy and Bertha to phone them when they got out.

Re: Tall Story 2

They felt a bit shaken up by the whole preceedings, and with the drink wearing off. They headed on their merry way and climbed back in to Pappy's bus. They were only in it five minutes up the road when they spotted The Mucky Duck pub. Pappy's bus came to an abrupt halt. They all bailed out and couldn't get up to the bar quick enough. Lil suddenly smelt a familiar whiff coming from the top end of the bar. "Hamish - where the 'ell ave yer been? We've been accusing you of all sorts". "Thank god yer 'ere" said Hamish. "Wait to you all hear this" he said, and then went on to tell them .....................

Re: Tall Story 2

.....that Pessy Mystic, the renowned clairvoyant, had cottoned on to the treasure and was out to beat them to it. Pessy had been seen heading down to Ereh Trats clutching a metal detector. "If we don't get a move on we'll be too late " said Hamish.

Re: Tall Story 2

They glugged down their pints in the one go. Pappy then realised he couldn't drive as he had been drinking. "Flippin eck, we'll need to walk again" said Lil. "Me feel are fulla callouses and corns. If we get this treasure I'll be treatin meself to a pedicure". They hobbled along the street. "Listen for the beep from the metal detector" said Hamish. "That's gonna be difficult when we all wear hearing aids" said Pappy. They soldiered on and in the distance they could see a lone figure, hovering an implement that looked like.........

Re: Tall Story 2

.......... the grim reaper!
Hamish visibly paled. "It's me Grandad's ghost, I swear it." He said, rubbing his eyes and peeping through his fingers. "He's come to guard his treasure."
"But hold on a minute, we're still in Bodmin, we haven't even got to Ereh Trats yet, said Elsie, "so why would he be guarding here?"
Pappy said it couldn't be a ghost if they could all see it, surely... perhaps Big Willy had shinned down the drainpipe and escaped from the hospital .....

Re: Tall Story 2

It was no ghost. Big Willy had indeed left the hospital, and the 'large implement' he was carrying was - Bertha and her bruised bum.
"If I didn't get out of that place, I'd a gone bonkers," said Willy, unceremoniously plonking Bertha down on the pavement. "We've wasted enough time already, let's go and get that bloomin' treasure and be done with. Who's coming?"
"Hooray" they all chimed in. "Good on yer Willy, we're coming with yer right now." And with that, they all hopped on Pappy's bus and set off for Ereh Trats, once and for all.
It took them longer than expected, but that was because Willy was useless at navigating for Pappy, and they ran out of petrol twice as well.
But at long last, they rounded a bend in the road, and saw a sign saying "Ereh Trats - Enjoy your stay." They'd arrived at last.

Hamish got the map out, and they all gathered round to study it, before picking up their metal detectors and spades, and making for a deserted strip of beach, far away from the sun bathing, ice cream eating, holiday makers.

Re: Tall Story 2

"I hate sand," said Pappy. "It reminds me of a poem:

"I've got sand between me toes and the sand's gone up me nose.
The sand's stuck on my back and it's even up me crack."

"Here, wot's that noise?" cried Big Willie. They all looked round to see Hamish sobbing his heart out.

"That was me mum's favourite song," he said. "Bless 'er soul, she's buried round here somewhere."

Re: Tall Story 2

"Hamish, you must mean yer mum's in the cemetery next door" said Elsie. "No" said Hamish " we were skint at the time and she wanted her ashes scattered on Ereh Trats beach, but we couldn't afford the cremation so we just buried her ere instead" Bertha was aghast! " but what about the crabs"? she said. " she'd already had antibiotics" said Big Willie with a grin on his face. "This is no time to be insensitive" said Pappy. They all carried on digging. The metal detectors were scooting about like leaky pipes, going haywire.......