family life under attack?

A high court judge has stated his concern about the 'nuclear family' being eroded with high divorce rates present. But how long as the nuclear family been around in the whole of Europe and does it really exist throughout Europe or is it only a feature of the rich nations?

http://http://www.dailymail.co.uk/ne...ding-vows.html

A study in Israel says that working mothers have 'double guilt' feelings about balancing their working life with time for the kids and hubby

http://http://www.dailymail.co.uk/he...-employee.html

and women over 60 in UK have high levels of hospital admission for anxiety about caring for sick husbands and elderly parents!

http://http://www.dailymail.co.uk/ne...rry-about.html

I personally have always been a strong supporter of the 'extended' family where there is a larger social network to help with all sorts of issues and provide a stronger support system to individuals within it.

the nuclear family may be eroding but what the hell are we going to replace it with? maybe just maybe the elderly have the answer!

Re: family life under attack?

If it's in the Daily Mail I suppose it must be true, but the links don't seem to work so I can't look at the articles.

Unlike you, I'm not a supporter of the extended family. It conjures up visions of a Patriarch or more likely, a Matriarch, dictating peoples lives according to their views.

No, you love your children and then you let them go. This does not mean that lose touch, but your family become adults, equals and entitled to go their own way through life.

The statement about women over 60s seems sweeping and without foundation. Do only men get ill? Do only women take responsibility for elderly parents? Utter rubbish! But then, why let the truth get in the way of a story?

The trouble is IMO, that both marriage and divorce are too easy. Add to that 'single parent "families" ' almost being given a higher status than a 'nuclear' family and no tax benefits to marriage, it's little wonder that the traditional family is disappearing.

Re: family life under attack?

I think the judges observations are correct - the nuclear family unit - one man/woman and kids is breaking down and we then have the men walking away often and the women left alone with kids. some of course will have other family support but to what extent I am not sure. I am sure there are a lot of lonely girls with kids living in bed-sitters having a boring life and living off of the state!

Re: family life under attack?

I have lived in several Asian countries and observed the extended family in action - sure there are always customs that to us may seem intrusive but the family is always there to help and support. In many cases the husbands felt less inclinded to wander off and forego their legal and financial duties.

but all these changes are about how people relate to each other and support each other not about when you are grown up you have to survive on your own

Re: family life under attack?

ah but what is a 'traditional family' many immigrants in UK will have a totally different view point to the English view!

Re: family life under attack?

Many that I know and chat to have a very English in the 50's idea of the family, Indians and Pakistanis Chinese and Nepalese. They have customs from each country too but if you boil it all down to basics it's the 50s all over again.


I am not sure what I think about all this I come from an extended family was brought up by my Grandparents, I in turn brought up my sisters children. If we didn't have extended family all those children would have been taken into care and brought up by the state costing the country a lot of money and costing the children even more.

But I don't like the idea of children not growing up and being independent which Grumblewagon says can happen.

I also don't like the idea of divorce being harder from what I have seen it already tears people apart. Marriage being harder also makes me sad, I don't know about anyone else but we would have married no matter what , actually we may not have married and just lived together if we couldn't marry, the drive to be together was so strong and I always assumed it was like that for most people. So make it harder you just might destroy it altogether.

Re: family life under attack?

I think we have gone past the point of no return in terms of making marriage and divorce more expensive or difficult - people will just chose to live together or part as they wish. the old restraints don't work no more!

I think the judge has just made a sociological observation - families are becoming more blended and in fact that could extend into the extended family concept as all the in-laws may also come together. As I said at the start I am not a supporter of nuclear family concept. I entered into it and my own parents seen very little of my kids for various reasons. and I am sad about that.

Re: family life under attack?

Perhaps "easier" or "harder" were not the best terms to use, but let's say that marriage / divorce should be much more "considered" before either is entered into.

I remember going to see the minister before Dianne and I got married, and the first question he asked was "did we have our own home?"
Answer, "Yes, we had bought our own modest new-build semi". He said that was good because too many couples he saw started out depending on family to accomodate them and this was no use. You had to build marriage on a firm, independant footing. It surprized me slightly, but that was his advice to anyone contemplating marriage.

(Incidentally, this was also the gist of his sermon at the wedding service. I would have preferred a civil ceremony, but it was not so socially acceptable in those days)

My parents were very much of the opinion that if you got married, then you learned to stand on your own two feet (should that be 4 feet?).
It does not mean that you severed links. You stayed close (emotionally if not geographically) but you gained a sort of equal status as another family and you didn't run back to mum& dad if you had a problem - you sorted it yourself.

I don't subscribe to this notion of deliberately living near to parents or siblings so that you can drop in anytime. I definitely don't want to be any sort of burden to my children either.

Re: family life under attack?

I don't think I ran back to my grandparents but certainly did ask their advice on several occasions, my husband turned to them on several occasions too and having them near (ended up they lived with us when they became too ill to cope) was a hugely helpful and reassuring thing over the years.

My niece moved from our flat to her own just one level up from us, we are childcare and provide food etc when she needs help, here for advice and help at anytime for her. My nephew has just moved back in because his brother who he was living with has gone into the army, so spare room has been cleared out again. He is thinking of moving in with his boyfriend at some point but they don't feel ready yet so he is welcome here until then.

For me extended family is essential we all look after each other, at the moment while I am off my feet they take turns doing my evening job and early morning job and walking my dogs just so if I get out of the wheelchair again I have a life to pick up where I left it off.

Re: family life under attack?

I can't open the links either but I am in favour of the extended family. Increase in one parent families, unsupported by family members tends to increase the resource demands of the local community and the state - more employed parents are reliant on child care places and the costs that incur rather than family members; young families are sometimes lacking the basic skills in childcare and cooking and no longer have an extended family to learn from