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What if for arguments sake you have been pondering for many years?.
Paul if you have pondered it for many years without resolving it perhaps it wasn't a quandary at all
Anyway you have clearly survived without any resolution so maybe just forget about it now .
Some say it pays to ponder, others say he who hesitates is lost, they contradict each other, best to use your own judgement and hope for the best.
James Joyce had the right idea, his epitaph sums himself up in a few words, “He lived, he loved, he laughed, he left” Wish I had thought of that one for meself.