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eccles
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06-12-2018, 05:03 PM
1

The going of shane

The street was empty apart from the oak chest lying against the kerb, and Shane was pretty sure he could see a glint of gold illuminating the stretch of pavement. It wasn’t that he was overly nosey, but times were hard and whatever the hell was in that box, he was on the street alone, and hadn’t had a square meal for days. You couldn’t count the burger he’d rescued from a bin, and the slop served up by the Salvation Army was disgusting.

His stomach rumbled and seemed to echo off the grimy walls as he sidled up to the chest. You couldn’t be too careful; years inside had taught him to trust nothing and nobody, though he had to grin to himself. After all, was it likely a serial killer was hiding inside, flashing his gold watch chain to lure him in? He licked his lips, cast a cautious glance round the deserted street and slowly raised the lid with its scarred leather straps and battered corners. It was the oddest thing – once open, the inside of the chest appeared to beckon him in, into a golden room as huge as – as – well Shane had no words, What he did have was an inexplicable urge to be drawn in and surround himself with the golden warmth. Two thin legs, tattooed arms, scrawny torso, shaved head. All gone in an instant.

The chest shivered, seemed to settle. A glint of gold shone out onto the pavement. It waited.
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06-12-2018, 05:06 PM
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Re: The going of shane

FGS
What a creepy story
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06-12-2018, 07:38 PM
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Re: The going of shane

Ooh err ...
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20-12-2018, 11:18 AM
4

Re: The going of shane

Originally Posted by eccles ->
The street was empty apart from the oak chest lying against the kerb, and Shane was pretty sure he could see a glint of gold illuminating the stretch of pavement. It wasn’t that he was overly nosey, but times were hard and whatever the hell was in that box, he was on the street alone, and hadn’t had a square meal for days. You couldn’t count the burger he’d rescued from a bin, and the slop served up by the Salvation Army was disgusting.

His stomach rumbled and seemed to echo off the grimy walls as he sidled up to the chest. You couldn’t be too careful; years inside had taught him to trust nothing and nobody, though he had to grin to himself. After all, was it likely a serial killer was hiding inside, flashing his gold watch chain to lure him in? He licked his lips, cast a cautious glance round the deserted street and slowly raised the lid with its scarred leather straps and battered corners. It was the oddest thing – once open, the inside of the chest appeared to beckon him in, into a golden room as huge as – as – well Shane had no words, What he did have was an inexplicable urge to be drawn in and surround himself with the golden warmth. Two thin legs, tattooed arms, scrawny torso, shaved head. All gone in an instant.

The chest shivered, seemed to settle. A glint of gold shone out onto the pavement. It waited.
Sorry, I'm possibly your biggest fan, but at the moment I don't get it?
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20-12-2018, 11:50 PM
5

Re: The going of shane

Originally Posted by Robert Junior ->
Sorry, I'm possibly your biggest fan, but at the moment I don't get it?
Robert I do believe ya teasing - and if not then 'it would take a longer story to explain!

sorry Eccles - his mum says he sometimes stays out too long and gets muddled!

nice one Eccles - I enjoyed the dramatic build up as it drew us all in [except robert] and left us wondering and scared the shLLt out of us!
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20-12-2018, 11:55 PM
6

Re: The going of shane

I have learned proxy critique is a no no.
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eccles
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21-12-2018, 06:20 AM
7

Re: The going of shane

Robert, if you truly don't get it, then I can't explain, but thanks for the fan comment - I've never had a one-man fan base before! Ooh, it's heady stuff...
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21-12-2018, 10:01 AM
8

Re: The going of shane

Originally Posted by spitfire ->
I have learned proxy critique is a no no.
Poxy critique indeed?

No No, I don't get double negatives ?
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21-12-2018, 02:46 PM
9

Re: The going of shane

Originally Posted by eccles ->
Robert, if you truly don't get it, then I can't explain, but thanks for the fan comment - I've never had a one-man fan base before! Ooh, it's heady stuff...
Attagirl !


I have a confession to make Eccles.

I misread the title of your thread.

My wife, nurse Gillian"borrowed " my new Specsavers spectacles causing me to read SHAME, rather than SHANE.

As you can imagine, this disorientated my comprehension, and I gained an odd perspective of events.

hey ho
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eccles
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21-12-2018, 06:48 PM
10

Re: The going of shane

Actually I think I prefer your version - far more cryptic! I've posted a couple more stories, see what you think. If you hate them, I can take it, I'm a big girl.
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