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Lion Queen
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21-05-2019, 10:00 PM
1

What would you do in this situation

I have been friends with a woman I met when I was 19 years old (40 years ago) and I considered her one of my closest friends.

A few months ago we had a phone conversation and when it ended she didn't put the phone down at her end and I left it running. I was a bit shocked to hear her say to whoever she was with "oh that was my mate, trouble with her is once you get her on the phone you can't get her off"

I decided to laugh it off and while it did bother me a bit I tried not to let it and I let it go. I never did tell her what I had heard as I didn't want to embarrass her. I didn't want to end such a long friendship over something like that but it did bother me that perhaps I couldn't trust her and if she talked behind my back then how many times had she done it before. Still, I let it go.

I have been in a lot of pain with my knee for the past week and was seeing the doctor today and she had asked me to phone her when I'd been, which I did so.

She was at her cousins house, I know her cousin also. I told her what the doctor had said that he wasn't referring me to hospital until I have been on pain meds and to go back in 3 weeks and take it from there. I told her I was disappointed that he hadn't referred me as I have been in such pain but as I was diagnosed 3 years ago with arthritis he had said I was having a 'flare up'

After our conversation ended she forgot to hang up again and because of the last time she didn't hang up I was curious as to whether she was going to be bitchy about me again so I listened in. What I heard next was devastating for me, i was totally shocked as to how backstabbing she was being.

This is how it went:

HER: That pain in her knee is arthritis and she said she is disappointed at not being referred to hospital

HER COUSIN: I'm full of arthritis but I just get on with it

HER: Yeah, she's pathetic, she's a hypochondriac, her sister (my dead sister) was a hypochondriac too

HER COUSIN: Sounds like she is, she's got arthritis, they can't do owt about it, she needs to stop moaning about it.

HER: I know, she's pathetic, I've got backache but I don't go moaning about it (oh yes she does! and I've always supported her through pain, hospital appointments etc)

By now I had heard enough. I was flabbergasted, I am not a hypochondriac, I know knee pain isnt' going to kill me for goodness sakes, I am just a normal person who might talk to a friend about her ailments now and then.

I was very upset at the time and didn't want to talk to her but I texted her and let her know this time that i had heard every word. She has texted me back telling me how sorry she is, especially about bringing my dead sister into her spiteful venom but I haven't responded. She told me she is ashamed of herself and doesn't blame me if I never talk to her again and she is sorry that she may lose a dear, very old friend. Her last words were "I'm an idiot"

I don't know if she means she's an idiot for not ending the call before I heard what she said or that she[s an idiot for behaving in such a bitchy way.

I've gone through shock, sadness and anger today over this and I don't know what i am going to do. I doubt I can trust her friendship. She obviously has bad thoughts about me and that has shocked me, I've been a good friend to her and feel I don't deserve her words.

Loyalty to me is very important in a friendship, I think thats why I'm so upset. I'm loyal myself and expect that in return in a friendship.

I am quite sensitive anyway but am I being too sensitive? What would you do in this situation.

Sorry about the long post.
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ruthio
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21-05-2019, 10:03 PM
2

Re: What would you do in this situation

Originally Posted by LQ
What would you do in this situation.
I remember the first time it happened, you posted about it.

Walk
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Judd
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21-05-2019, 10:09 PM
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Re: What would you do in this situation

Originally Posted by Lion Queen ->
I have been friends with a woman I met when I was 19 years old (40 years ago) and I considered her one of my closest friends.

A few months ago we had a phone conversation and when it ended she didn't put the phone down at her end and I left it running. I was a bit shocked to hear her say to whoever she was with "oh that was my mate, trouble with her is once you get her on the phone you can't get her off"

I decided to laugh it off and while it did bother me a bit I tried not to let it and I let it go. I never did tell her what I had heard as I didn't want to embarrass her. I didn't want to end such a long friendship over something like that but it did bother me that perhaps I couldn't trust her and if she talked behind my back then how many times had she done it before. Still, I let it go.

I have been in a lot of pain with my knee for the past week and was seeing the doctor today and she had asked me to phone her when I'd been, which I did so.

She was at her cousins house, I know her cousin also. I told her what the doctor had said that he wasn't referring me to hospital until I have been on pain meds and to go back in 3 weeks and take it from there. I told her I was disappointed that he hadn't referred me as I have been in such pain but as I was diagnosed 3 years ago with arthritis he had said I was having a 'flare up'

After our conversation ended she forgot to hang up again and because of the last time she didn't hang up I was curious as to whether she was going to be bitchy about me again so I listened in. What I heard next was devastating for me, i was totally shocked as to how backstabbing she was being.

This is how it went:

HER: That pain in her knee is arthritis and she said she is disappointed at not being referred to hospital

HER COUSIN: I'm full of arthritis but I just get on with it

HER: Yeah, she's pathetic, she's a hypochondriac, her sister (my dead sister) was a hypochondriac too

HER COUSIN: Sounds like she is, she's got arthritis, they can't do owt about it, she needs to stop moaning about it.

HER: I know, she's pathetic, I've got backache but I don't go moaning about it (oh yes she does! and I've always supported her through pain, hospital appointments etc)

By now I had heard enough. I was flabbergasted, I am not a hypochondriac, I know knee pain isnt' going to kill me for goodness sakes, I am just a normal person who might talk to a friend about her ailments now and then.

I was very upset at the time and didn't want to talk to her but I texted her and let her know this time that i had heard every word. She has texted me back telling me how sorry she is, especially about bringing my dead sister into her spiteful venom but I haven't responded. She told me she is ashamed of herself and doesn't blame me if I never talk to her again and she is sorry that she may lose a dear, very old friend. Her last words were "I'm an idiot"

I don't know if she means she's an idiot for not ending the call before I heard what she said or that she[s an idiot for behaving in such a bitchy way.

I've gone through shock, sadness and anger today over this and I don't know what i am going to do. I doubt I can trust her friendship. She obviously has bad thoughts about me and that has shocked me, I've been a good friend to her and feel I don't deserve her words.

Loyalty to me is very important in a friendship, I think thats why I'm so upset. I'm loyal myself and expect that in return in a friendship.

I am quite sensitive anyway but am I being too sensitive? What would you do in this situation.

Sorry about the long post.

As we say in Yorkshire, she mun bollocks. You don't need friends like that.
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carol
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21-05-2019, 10:23 PM
4

Re: What would you do in this situation

Aw Queenie. You are such a lovely person. She doesn't deserve you.

You should let her go with no hard feelings or bitterness - just tell her you don't want her friendship anymore..
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21-05-2019, 10:30 PM
5

Re: What would you do in this situation

LQ I find it very strange that yet again your 'friend' failed to hang up and started talking about you she must have realised it was a possibility you had heard the first time it happened.....mmmm.

I wouldn't dream of talking about a friend like that. I am afraid this woman would rapidly be removed from my friends list .
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Artangel
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21-05-2019, 10:32 PM
6

Re: What would you do in this situation

LQ, Why do you bother with this person? Talk about a two faced backstabber!
If you heard her say that, what else is she saying when you’re not listening.

Did you record the call? If not, you have a great memory!
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realspeed
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east sussex
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21-05-2019, 10:41 PM
7

Re: What would you do in this situation

Give her fake news like winning a national lottery . See how she can creep .ooh I am so evil thinking of what she will regret
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Tiffany
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21-05-2019, 10:56 PM
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Re: What would you do in this situation

If I were you I'd never speak to her again. I can bear a grudge for years.
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spitfire
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21-05-2019, 10:58 PM
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Re: What would you do in this situation

Not got myself into that situation, in the first place.
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Puddle Duck
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21-05-2019, 11:22 PM
10

Re: What would you do in this situation

That is really heart wrenching LQ. Only a couple of years ago, I received a spiteful message from one of my long standing friends, who I had always thought highly of. The spiteful message (which was full of ludicrous accusations ) was because I'd forgotten to send her a birthday card. Being confused I messaged her back but she didn't reply.
It turned out that she had her own problems (due to the dreaded alcohol) and was not really responsible for her actions.

However, despite giving time and talking to her since,(she lives 300 miles away) the friendship is no longer cemented as it was , and to be truthful, I have walked away.

We don't need these things in our lives, and I suggest , for your own wellbeing, that you leave things in the past now and move on.
Probably even better not to respond to her again, and let her conscience be her guide.

How extremely upsetting for you, but I'm sure you can rise above it.
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